Villa's bum rush

A Sunday league referee ordered a penalty to be retaken when a player on the defending team broke wind as the ball was kicked.

A Chorlton Villa player was booked for ungentlemanly conduct and the ball re-spotted when the referee adjudged his flatulence had put off the taker, from rivals International Manchester.

The initial effort was saved but the retake went in, and the official compounded Villa's misery when he sent off their goalkeeper for protesting.

Two more Villa players were given their marching orders for abusive language, although they clung on to win 6-4. Villa boss Ian Treadwell said he was unsure which end the noise had come from, commenting: "My gut feeling is that someone made the noise with his mouth."

The club now face a £97 fine for the three sendings off. The referee, who asked not to be named, said: "They were not a nasty lot. It was just a normal day at the office.

"The player who made the noise was booked for ungentlemanly conduct - trying to put the other player off."

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Forget it! Arsenal's search for the perfect goal, and Spurs' obsession with a glorious past!

By JOE MORRIS.

Arsenal, it seems, are determined to score the perfect goal. There are moments when they try to walk the ball into the net. Somebody, you feel sure, ought to give them a paint brush rather than a football!

Maybe too many cooks do spoil the broth. Then again, Arsenal fans have probably had too much of a good thing in recent years.

During their 1-0 win against Roma in their Champions League qualifier last week, Arsenal were over-elaborate to the point of absurdity. At one point in the first half they strung so many passes together that you almost expected them to trip over.

Everybody knows about the classical passing game and of course it's a feast for the eyes. But now and again it seemed that Arsenal were over-egging the pudding.

Over the years, European giants such as Barcelona, AC Milan, Real Madrid and Bayern Munich have devised a game for their supporters that is beyond our understanding. Their defenders move the ball out of defence effortlessly, midfielders look for incisive through passes and strikers try to blast home the final product. Simple really.

The longer the game went on the more it seemed likely that Arsenal would end up in a cul-de-sac. There can be no doubt that some of Arsenal's football has a breathtaking artistry about it. Under Arsene Wenger they are deliciously well co-ordinated and technically exquisite. If somebody took their artist's easel away they'd probably go home and cry. Besides, you'd hardly snatch an ice-cream away from a child if they were actually enjoying it.

At the 2006 World Cup in Germany, Argentina came as close as any international team to scoring that perfect goal. In one remarkable sequence of 27 passes Argentina quite literally toyed with Serbia and Montenegro before scoring.

Thirty-six years earlier, the masterful Brazilian side of Gerson, Tostao, Rivelino, Carlos Alberto and the incomparable Pele dragged Italy from one side of the pitch to the other in the 1970 World Cup Final. After one gloriously giddy passing movement, Alberto crashed the ball into the net.

Tottenham, of course, used to be the flag-bearers for stylish and imaginative football. Whatever the outcome of their Carling Cup Final against Manchester United the fact is that Spurs are not quite the same any more.

The general feeling along Tottenham High Road is that since the heady days of Bill Nicholson and, to perhaps to a lesser extent Keith Burkinshaw, the glitter and glamour has moved across London.

The likes of Aaron Lennon, Tom Huddlestone, David Bentley and Robbie Keane are still pleasant to watch. But in a season of struggle and strife, Spurs are like a creaking ship without a decent captain. After a disastrous start to the seaon with only two points from eight games, Spurs almost capsized.

But no longer are Spurs the floating cruise ship of the Swinging 60s and 70s. When Bobby Smith, Danny Blanchflower, Cliff Jones and John White picked up the ball it was as if somebody had sprinkled stardust over them. They passed and ran with the ball as if it were a carefully-rehearsed dance routine. The ball seemed to be attached to them like an umbilical cord.

A decade later and Spurs were still strutting their funky stuff. Alan Gilzean, Ralph Coates and Martin Peters from West Ham made more than the sweet music of their 1960s predecessors. Gilzean and Coates were natural water carriers and playmakers while Peters was just years ahead of his time. Like Glenn Hoddle and Osvaldo Ardiles they made the ball do all the work. Hoddle would often stop, dwell on the ball and have a cuppa tea - but he knew where Spurs were going.

Now Tottenham find themselves in desparate trouble at the wrong end of the Premier League. The more succesful teams over the years have always been able to trust their experienced players. At the moment Spurs are simply finding out more about each other. When Juande Ramos was driven out of the club Spurs didn't know what day or month it was.

The appointment of Harry Redknapp has stabilised the club in a way that only he could. Redknapp is one of those reliable footballing men who calls a spade a spade. He'll buy players who fit almost seamlessly into the team, maintain discipline within the club and then buy himself the cheapest suit on the market. For Redknapp, smooth continuity is almost essential.
But as he demonstrated at West Ham and Portsmouth, once poor and mundane players become putty in his hands. Luka Modric may have been a notable exception but both Modric and David Bentley have now flourished. Modric is an excellent player but it became obvious that he needed a comforting arm around his shoulder.

Both Roman Pavlyuchenko and Darren Bent are fighting for places in Spurs' forward line while Robbie Keane continues to give his impersonation of a travelling gipsy. Rejected and spurned by his boyhood dream team Liverpool, Keane is a goal-scorer extraordinaire who would score for any side in the world.

But for Spurs the season remains in a state of chaotic uncertainty. At this point in the football seasosn, the crocuses come out, managers look tense and terrifed and Sir Alex Ferguson just checks his watch.

The top four of Manchester United, Chelsea, Liverpool and Aston Villa are like immovable lorries. Manchester United are beginning to disappear into the sunset and the rest are just gasping for breath. Business as usual in a way.

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Also on the Soccermongery: A powerful piece from James-Guy Jacobs on football under Nazi Occupation: Dynamo Kiev's Death Match

The different worlds of Fergie and The Special One

Internazionale and Manchester United's Champions League first-leg tie may not have been high on excitement - but no one can deny the quality on display.

One things for sure: the second leg in Manchester will be a more dramatic affair with the clock-ticking down and United's attacking urges to satisfy at Old Trafford. Inter will have to come out and play to quell the onslaught.

It's as much a clash on the field between these two clubs as it is in the manager's offices.

Mourinho: the suave Portuguese itinerant: Fergie: the grizzly Scottish empire builder.

And it made me think: bearing in mind the mentalities of the two, if you were a fan of a big club, would you rather have a Mourinho or a Fergie in charge?

There's no doubt that Mourinho's management style would offer few chances for United regulars such as John O'Shea and Darren Fletcher, but they are essential components of the Red Devil's incessant charge through trophy bid after trophy bid.

Even flair players like Wayne Rooney and Ryan Giggs take on a workmanlike demeanour under Fergie.

Of course, there's a work ethic and commitment to gameplan in every Mourinho side; sometimes at the expense of entertainment - but the players that arrive at the Giuseppe Meazza are usually players who've made their names elsewhere.
There'll always be clubs like Inter and for that matter, Real Madrid and Chelsea who are showbiz entities - ready to unveil the multi-million pound signing and replace the manager just for coming second, sometimes twice a season.

But on the other hand, there's United, AC Milan and Arsenal, who have a five-year plan and remain unwavering in the darkest periods of the barren trophy cabinet.

And I prefer these clubs: I think it's those who'll prosper in the unsure economic times ahead, starting with Fergie to advance at the expense of The Special One in this season's Champions League.

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Why aren't these players considered for England?

Fabio Capello has a meritocratic, almost linear approach to selecting his England squads.

Our national coach comes from a football culture where the player with the most caps is made captain.

And so it follows that if you're in form, the Italian boss will call you up. Players who've benefited from this recently have included ex-Fulham midfielder Jimmy Bullard and Carlton Cole of West Ham.

But somehow, there's still that nagging feeling there's a glass ceiling when it comes to selecting players from less fashionable clubs or of a certain age or pedigree.

I see some Premier League players perform week-in and week-out, even season-in and season-out, and they never getting a look in. Bolton Wanderers would be struggling without the evergreen commitment and goals of Kevin Davies and the wand like, left-foot of Matt Taylor, purveyor of the spectacular strike both at Bolton and at Portsmouth for several seasons before.

Even the Championship has a growing cluster of quality players who deserve closer attention at international level. Just because they're not in the top-flight doesn't mean they wouldn't be equipped to make the step up.

Mansfield-born Kris Commons has elected to play for Scotland because he never believed he'd get that chance with the country of his birth. Why he's never played above the Championship is beyond me. Strong, skilled, attack-minded and who weighs in with a good few goals from his position. He's more prominent following his winner against Manchester United in the Carling Cup semi-final first-leg, but he performs at that level all the time.

I was surprised that Chris Eagles left Manchester United, but moreso that Burnley was his best option. With all due respect to the Clarets, Eagles was beginning to make an impression in the United first-team, so if his decision to leave Old Trafford was about playing more often than surely a Premier League side would've wanted him? Eagles for England!

Some players, particularly younger ones respond to the challenge of playing at a higher level without succumbing to nerves or being found out.

So Fabio, give good professionals an unexpected platform at international level that their quality and commitment deserve.

Cast your net wider to find form players from a dozen clubs.

More often than not, they will respond to the call!

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