PODCAST: Chelsea fan and comedy writer Ivor Baddiel on the Y Word

Al Jazeera's Inside Story: Football in an age of austerity

Here's Jonny's appearance on Al Jazeera's Inside Story the day Gareth Bale was unveiled as Real Madrid's latest 'Galactico'.

Jonny comments on Bale's chances of succeeding at the Bernabeu plus UEFA's Financial Fairplay, an attempt to quell overspending clubs. Can it be stopped and if not, will football end up in financial ruin?

Gareth Bale: is any player worth £86m?

Double Player Of The Year - but can he make the step up?

Gareth Bale completed his 'dream move' to Real Madrid despite Tottenham insisting they didn't want to sell him.

The 24-year-old Welshman signs a six-year contract which will earn him £300,000-per-week.

But in this age of austerity and mass unemployment - paricularly among 24-year-olds in Spain - is any player worth this kind of money?

Here's Jonny's take as broadcast on Smooth Radio the day after the deal was completed.

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Is Gareth Bale's head being turned by Real Madrid?

Star quality: opportunity of a lifetime.

It seems after weeks of harmony at Spurs, Gareth Bale is now looking to make the leap to Madrid. But will it happen?

listen to ‘#Bale transfer latest. Will he Real-ly leave #thfc PLUS #F1 and #Ashes news’ on Audioboo

Tottenham the pride of North London as bid rumours circulate Arsenal

Bale-ful Arsenal

Tottenham moved seven points clear of Arsenal in the Premier League after beating their North London rivals 2-1 at White Hart Lane.

Gareth Bale took his tally to nine goals in seven games with the opening strike.

As Gunners fans contemplate defeat which threatens their chances of qualifying for next season's Champions League, the club is rumoured to be the subject of a £1.5bn takeover bid from the Middle East.

Here's Jonny's Smooth Radio bulletin.

listen to ‘Tottenham the pride of North London as bid rumours circulate Arsenal’ on Audioboo

Here's Arsenal fan Hugh Wizzy's video on the game. Hugh produces a video after every Gunners game. I contributed an opinion in it.


 

McClaren leaves Twente again and Bale's brace lifts Spurs

England's Umbrella Man!

Hammers retired Mooro's shirt

Steve McClaren's left Twente Enschede for a second time, blaming a lack of support from the board. The former England boss won the Eredevise with Twente in 2010, before joining Wolfsburg in the Bundesliga.

He then switched to Nottingham Forest for an ill-fated spell. It's a far-cry from his glory days as assistant to Jim Smith at Derby and Sir Alex Ferguson at Manchester United.

Also in the bulletin, another brace for Gareth Bale secures third place for Tottenham in a 3-2 win at West Ham. He's now scored eight goals in the last six games - all of them double strikes in each game.

It was also a night of remembrance at Upton Park - as the club remembered their own captain, leader and legend, Bobby Moore, who died twenty years ago.

listen to ‘McClaren leaves Twente again and Bale's brace lifts Spurs’ on Audioboo

The National Anthem for Mo Farah's medal ceremony

It's not football, but it did happen at the stadium where West Ham, Spurs and Orient want to play in a couple of years! I was privileged to be at the Olympic Stadium to witness Mo Farah's gold medal ceremony. Listen to this emotional rendition of God Save The Queen.

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The message behind the merchandise

listen to ‘The message behind the merchandise: what your kit is saying for you’ on Audioboo

When you bedeck yourself in a replica, spending 40 quid in the process, ponder this: are the brains behind it conditioning you into a thought system that perhaps you'd not considered?

When England was Britain in '82 

Have you looked more closely at the new England kit for Euro 2012? If you have, I reckon you're helping reclaim English nationalism.

The England badge is suddenly red; blue's been removed. If you think that's just a fashion issue, think again. England's identity is now red and white - not red, white and blue. Is this preparation for Scotland's devolution? To create an English identity lost in the fog of a British one for generations?

There's moves in the media to superimpose the idea of Englishness on top of Britishness. Programmes about the Church of England and other institutions which are intrinsically different from those north of the border. The Scots have a more a stark tradition in both imagery and belief.

Heaven knows what the devolutionists thought of the Diamond Jubilee, but it definitely included Scotland, Mr. Salmond!

1986: English nationalism expressed as British

In football, defining England's been going on for years. Matchday flags with the pub or football club on the red horizontal banner are on St. George's, 20 years ago, it was ALWAYS the Union Jack.

What'll happen to design if the Scots reject devolution? I suppose nothing: the tectonic plates of our Britishness are moving permanently.

And if you tell me, "There's no difference between being English and British!", I say to you, if you've a thick foreign accent, but have the desire to embrace our lifestyle in Leicester, Newcastle or Ipswich, you can be British on day one in a way that truly you could never be English. For me, the English should have a say in the devolution poll. It could have as big an impact south of the border as it would north of it, especially on immigrants.

Cardiff City are the Bluebirds no more. From next season, they're red with a new nickname of "The Red Dragons". Research concluded the colour rebrand was essential if they wanted to extend appeal beyond their current fanbase. All this in the year the blues of Chelsea won the Champions League and the FA Cup. Blue is the colour? not anymore in the Welsh capital!

And in London, the Arsenal shirt is definitely different from that of Tottenham's.

I'm not imagining this, but all over North London, boys from nice homes are wearing Arsenal shirts as an extension of their own aspirations and brand values (with tacit permission of their parents). Arsenal play in a beautiful stadium, they are managed in a continental fashion and have been for a generation and put simply, a Spurs shirt doesn't convey those values at all.

2010: England is now England

Is it to do with Redknapp, their substandard matchbox stadium or even the Tottenham riots? It's a combination of those things that not even a banner of straplines around White Hart Lane's midriff proclaiming To Dare Is To Do and Glory Glory Hallelujah will make a jot of difference to change.

Liverpool FC is brilliant at legendising their brand. Telling the story of Hillsborough and five European Cups is a tip of the hat to the Munich story at Manchester United. Most might say after sacking icon Kenny Dalglish, the sum of their legend is greater than the individual parts. But what can't be denied is that far-flung fans who've never even been to Merseyside eulogise a legend which in reality is little different to that at Aston Villa or Leeds United, just perhaps better narrated to an international audience.

Baked in Red tradition: Shankly would've approved

I picked up a Manchester United replica in a discount sports shop the other day - and it doesn't half look and feel miles away from the fans who buy it. Literally and geographically.

In the seventies, when I wore my Villa shirt, the fabric was made from something I recognised from clothes that mum bought me. These days, not only does the United badge have a trade mark petroleum fuzz, but you get the feeling if you burned it, it'd dissolve into fossil fuel.

Next time you look at a shirt, take a closer inspection beyond the tangible: ask yourself, "do I really want to wear all that this represents"?

Football's close season? There isn't one.

With England preparing with friendlies ahead of Euro 2012, play-offs extending into the last days of May and the transfer market in full flow, Jonny explains "what happens next!" (Clue: it's Eden Hazard).

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FA and Fabio fault lines were there from start

There was a kind of inevitability in Fabio Capello's England reign ending in tears off the pitch.

When as a player he scored for Italy against Bobby Moore's England at Wembley, who'd have thought it'd be the Italian and not our World Cup winning captain that would coach the team one day?

Ciao e Grazie. Lessons learned?

One can well imagine the John Le Mesurier-style FA mandarins goading the firebrand Fabio on points of principle to surprise us all with his resignation.

I met Fabio by invitation at Wembley about a year ago. I knew of his "my way or the highway" approach to management - but face-to-face, I was struck by his simplicity and with reference to the England job, his foreignness.

Here was a Latin taking on the FA, an Anglo-Saxon church of football - and expecting co-operation throughout.

Fabio talked simply on his humble beginnings in a small northern Italian village and his strong-minded journey through football in beating a career-threatening injury as a youngster.
When the FA appointed Capello in the wake of the Steve McClaren debacle, he was hired for his incredible trophy haul in Italy and Spain. But nothing was taken into account with reference to how, where and when he won it.

Because Capello managed mostly Latins in a southern European environment. The instinctive group mentality of that culture played well with his "do what I say" instructions. Furthermore, those players were on wages a fraction of the level of our boys.

(Adrian Bevington of Club Wembley can talk all he wants of recreating the Spain structure, but the FA will never ape the group strengths of community which Spain has - and we don't have in the same way.)

Cry God for Harry, England and St. George!

So Fabio's proud and confident inflexiblity was always going to be gobbled up by our individualistic club-focused millionaires.

His stinging quotes to Italpress after leaving the job show he was always a square peg in a round hole:

"They really insulted me and damaged my authority. What really hit me and forced me to take this decision was the fact the much-vaunted Anglo-Saxon sense of justice, as they are the first to claim that everyone is innocent until proven guilty.

In Terry's case, they gravely offended me and damaged my authority at the head of the England side, effectively creating a problem for the squad. I have never tolerated certain crossing of lines, so it was easy for me to spot it and take my decision to leave."

 

We're best without him, I know. Let the coronation of Harry Redknapp be arranged and with his arrival, let the basics about football come to the fore.

 

There's too much apparatus and apparatchiks at the FA spoiling our broth, and it's gone on too long. Disband Club England, appoint 'Arry and this time, do it without Sir Clive Woodward!

 

Remember Greece at Euro 2004. Simples.

Modric transfer saga pivotal to more than Tottenham

Modric wants out. Spurs say no.

As Daniel Levy plays poker with Chelsea rejecting offer after offer for Luka Modric, something bigger is going in football.

I can only match the drama of Harry Redknapp's contention; "If Modric leaves, it'll all be over for Tottenham. Because if he goes, Bale, van der Vaart and the others will too."

But if Spurs do succeed in keeping the little Croatian, they'll stay this side of the wire as a "big club" and strike a blow for the aspirations of lesser teams up and down the land.

However, if Modric goes, Tottenham will join the wastelands of the also-rans at Newcastle United, Everton and dare I say it, Aston Villa, who've sold their two best players to Liverpool and Manchester United. (I can't utter their names I'm so disappointed. I'm Down but I'm still Young).

Modric doesn't come out of this with much credit. Happy to put pen to paper for six-years only fourteen months ago, his stock's risen suddenly after half a good season. Now he wants to cash in and join Chelsea. He rather resembles just another greedy footballer. Couldn't he achieve great silverware at White Hart Lane? He's hardly a rat leaving a sinking ship, is he?

So an impasse has arisen: Redknapp is happy to back Spurs chairman Levy's resolve not to sell one of his best players.

It was pivotal to Arsenal after selling Gael Clichy to Manchester City that Cesc Fabregas and Samir Nasri stayed too. After their terrible slide into late season ignominy, a landslide threated to engulf The Emirates. But as the summer progresses, the Gunners may launch into the season relatively unscathed - even if Barca are like a dog with a bone.

Noel should be brought in to break the deadlock.

Daniel Levy is a brilliant negotiator, a skilled seller of his top players. Michael Carrick and Dimitar Berbatov were sold for £19m and £33m respectively - fantastic sums for both at the time and he may just be exercising brinkmanship as usual to get another phenomenal price for Modric - but it's for bigger stakes this time.

Since Berba and Carrick left, Tottenham have shown they've got Champions League credentials. But if they're to eat at the top table with Chelsea, they must keep Modric.

And their resolve should send a stern message to the boardrooms at Goodison, Villa Park and even The Emirates.

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Houllier's still at the drawing board at Villa

I'd like rooom to sort out le Villa, s'il vous plait!

While Aston Villa extended their unbeaten run to seven against Birmingham City, there wasn't much ease and flow about their game.

Part of it was down to the tactics of Alex McLeish, who very effectively stopped Stewart Downing and Ashley Young in midfield.

But it was mostly about Gerard Houllier's inability to stamp his authority on the club. He's preparing and fielding Martin O'Neill's squad. Houllier has to fashion Villa to his mould.

A goalless draw is probably a fair reflection of a game full of bluster and effort, but there were no thoroughbreds in this derby.

Blues had a penalty claim, so did Villa. Ciaran Clark, Barry Bannan, Ashley Young and Nigel Reo-Coker might've snatched it.

What a good defensive unit Villa have. If you remember how James Collins, Richard Dunne and Stephen Warnock all made their debut in a 1-nil derby win at St. Andrews last year, they've never looked back since. No worries there for the new administration.

But Houllier is not yet a big figure at Villa Park. He needs to impress his personality on the team for them to rise again.

Saying things like "they will finish somewhere between seventh and twelfth" hardly echoes around the halls of Villa Park like the words of Churchill. And he's repeated that phrase.

All this after inheriting the baton from Martin O'Neill, who steered Villa to three sixth-placed finishes in a row.

Villa need to maintain the momentum of the last few years if they're to keep pace with Spurs and Manchester City. Liverpool's stunning decline affords clubs like these a great opportunity to gatecrash the Big Four Party.

Villa should take the initiative but it starts with Houllier cutting a bigger figure.

Mo' assistant referees, mo' penalties given

Come on ref, that's a clear handball!

Soccermongery's most unamused with extra officials overseeing our Beautiful Game.

Now "linesman" are "assistant referees". More are placed around the pitch and it's only going to end up with one thing - more penalties given.

I thought the whole idea of extra officials was to arrive at better decisions, quicker. After all, the referee and two linesmen just can't have clear perspective on every incident.

But it won't map out like that, will it?

Not only do these new assistant referees have to justify themselves by making decisions, they're physically nearer penalty areas where questionable events will happen. There'll be under the full glare of attention to raise their flag!

Take the penalty given against the unfortunate Twente Enschede defender at Spurs last midweek. Even the most diehard Tottenham fan would admit it was a case of "ball to hand", rather than the other way around.

I've got a bet on three-nil.



But to the new official behind the goal, it was a clear application of the rules - a penalty. The resultant spot kick broke the visiting team and Spurs went onto win confortably.

I know this problem is being whispered among top refs, and I'm sure it's annoying that the man-in-the-middle needs eyes in the back of his head for players, as well as spatial vision to check all the different flags his colleagues will put up!

Just more decisions from now on, some kneejerk - but equally controversial, if not moreso. Just because there'll be more referees on duty. Despite all his experience, the senior referee won't be allowed any discretion at all.

One of FIFA's great ideals is that football should be played in the same way at every level. Two teams, shinpads, 90 minutes and three officials.

This changes it all. And not for the better.

Spurs can do a Leeds in the Champions League

Hava Nagila, ve-nismecha!

Harry Redknapp's charges have sent out a message to the rest of Europe with Wednesday night's emphatic win over the Wengerboys: Tottenham's not just there to make up the numbers in this season's Champions League.

Unlike Everton, who fell at the first qualifying hurdle in their one and only shot at the big time, Tottenham's composure at three-nil down in scoring twice in the first leg, followed by their White Hart Lane swagger in the return, means they need fear no one. At least before kickoff!

Who remembers Leeds in the Champions League? David O'Leary steered his young boys all the way to the semi-finals before succumbing to Valencia. He did it with a sizeable squad of top young players including Robbie Keane and Paul Robinson.

We all remember what happened to Leeds after that. A salutary lesson in how not to manage football finances in the modern game. Something they're still recovering from having only just won promotion from the third tier of the English game.

Could've modelled for LS Lowry.

Spurs are different. A bigger, more prosperous fanbase and a committed, future-orientated board with big plans, means the Champions League offers a building block rather than a one-off cup run.

But hold on a sec. The draw's very tough. Inter are defending champions having replaced their Champions League winning architect, Jose Mourinho with another in Rafa Benitez. Losing home and away to Inter mightn't be a disgrace.

No, the opportunities for qualification come against FC Twente and Werder Bremen. Spurs could do a double over the Dutch, while Werder are a decent team but Tottenham have more squad choices to force a result against them.

And there's a strong belief that wheeler dealing Harry hasn't finished trading in the transfer market before the window shuts next week. Luis Fabiano (cup-tied though) or Klaas-Jan Huntelaar would look good in a Spurs kit.

Redknapp's got Tottenham playing really well. He's stepped upto the plate and delivered some of the club's unfulfilled potential with their first appearance in the European Cup since 1962.

He still divides opinion among fans. Some love him for what he's done; some don't because of his dodgy image. I've a feeling that with his concentration on the Tottenham project, any lingering dissention from the terraces will diminish. Spurs are equipped to make a splash in their Champions League bow.

Good luck Tottenham Hotspur. Audere est, well you know what I mean.

Memories of Better Times: The Peter Crouch Robot or Robocrouch!

Do you remember when England dominated games and netted three or four? No, nor do I!

Actually, our run-up to the World Cup Finals was pretty impressive but our best displays were often in mistmatch qualifiers or laid back friendlies.

We've really been shown up in South Africa!

And why's Crouchie been restricted to a last-ditch second game runout - with no sign of Joe Cole at all?

Well, we just wouldn't be able to call ourselves Soccermongers without tipping our Michael Jackson-type hat to Peter Crouch, the International Robot, it's Robocrouch himself! Enjoy responsibly.

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Here's a man who makes the very most of his physical attributes. A man totally confident and comfortable in his own body.

How else can this extraordinary celebration set be explained.

It might not have earned him a transfer to Tottenham, but it certainly got the Pringles sponsorship team talking!

Mourinho Premier League return would break the Golden Rule

One finger for Chelsea, the other for Barca!

As Jose Mourinho outfoxes Pep Guardiola, Carlo Ancelotti and Louis van Gaal to record a stunning Champions League victory, rumours of a Premier League return intensify. Luckily for the Portugeezer, the clamour from Real Madrid is louder. But Soccermongery warns against him coming back to England. 

We still hear a lot about The Special One over here. Our obsession never cooled despite a raft of new heroes and headlines created since.

Despite leaving England two-and-a-half years ago, Mourinho's life at Inter is well chronicled by our media.

His rows with Italian officialdom and managerial peers, his dissatisfaction with Serie A and his rumoured desire to return here one day. His raffish Portuguese style galvanised Chelsea to previously unchartered waters of success. But now the Inter project is complete with a stunning treble, it's widely rumoured he'll be managing at the Bernabeu, the scene of arguably his greatest triumph as a coach so far. 

Kenneth Williams

But English clubs big enough to support both The Special One's salary and his ego would probably shuffle their incumbent manager out the door just to secure him.

You could well imagine United, City - or even Liverpool with new ownership encouraging Jose back "home".

But what a mistake that would be! "Never Go Back", screams the old adage.

Mourinho's remembering his time at Chelsea through rose-tinted spectacles. He arrived at Stamford Bridge, all posturing and bravado crowned as European Champion with Porto.

The hottest property in the world game, he gave Roman Abramovich's billion pound project real focus. Six trophies in three astounding seasons followed.

But that was then. This is now.

English football, built on huge debt or the billions of a benefactor totally dominated the European game. But the tide is turning. Not only is UEFA kicking the English game when it's down - but Britain's desperate Labour government were killing the goose that laid the golden egg.

English clubs pay more tax than their Spanish counterparts - the players too are feeling the tax pinch. Already the trickle of foreign stars coming to England is diminishing. Spain and Germany are more favoured destinations. It costs more for an English club to sign and pay for an international star.

Cristiano Ronaldo's defection from Manchester United to Real Madrid may prove symbolic - unless the Premier League can really focus on exploiting emerging new markets such as the Far East and India.

Mourinho would return to a less mighty English game. That's why talk of taking over at Real would be a better port of call for him. But could the sheer force of his personality or Manchester City's millions buck the trend?

Click here for Avram Grant, football's most celebrated loser and The full-length Nike World Cup advert in HD.

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Burnley's Fair Play League hopes dashed

As quickly as hopes were raised for Burnley, they were dashed! UEFA's decided to award Fair Play places in Europe to Sweden, Denmark and Finland next term, so ending the relegated Clarets hopes of joining the Euro elite from August. But Soccermongery says the Fair Play League is distinctly unfair - to deserving clubs:

Why should Burnley manager Brian Laws have been incentivised by Europe's governing body to send out his team urging careful challenges in their last game of the Premier League season? Because that's what Laws would've been mindful of as he prepared his Clarets for their last (ever) game in the top flight, at home to Tottenham. A place in Europe via this contorted route was still up for grabs at the time.

It’s not as if they were a particularly clean team anyway. Burnley were just the highest up the Fair Play table who'd not qualified for Europe.

In fact, they finished as low as seventh. Incredibly, the six teams above them didn’t need a back door to Europe like this; they'd already qualified. Arsenal, Spurs, Chelsea and Villa among them.

What the Fair Play League shows year after year is that successful teams are usually disciplined enough to play the game the right way, leaving struggling hoofers like Burnley to earn this ridiculous route into the Europa League.

I suppose it might've stopped an exodus of players from Turf Moor following their relegation to the Championship. That and the parachute money, of course. But it’s still a European-style fudge and nonsense.

If UEFA awarded a Europa place to the most improved side in the Premier League, it might help that club to develop further. Stoke or Birmingham would drink to that suggestion.

Redknapp proves Premier League discriminates against English managerial talent

Harry Redknapp's achievement in securing Tottenham's first-ever appearance in the Champions League is every bit as significant as his FA Cup win with Portsmouth two years ago.

It shouldn't be forgotten just how much disarray Spurs were in when Redknapp replaced Juande Ramos literally overnight. They've gone from ‘two points in eight games’ to 70 from 37 inside two seasons. The oddball Wembley defeat to Pompey is the only black mark this campaign.

Spurs’ resurgence under the stewardship of their cockney manager's been astronomical. In a matter of 555 days, the former West Ham winger's turned the club’s fortunes totally on their head, steering them from the clutches of relegation to what will be their highest league finish in 10 years.

Sam Allardyce often complained that he'd have got more of a sniff of the top jobs in the Premier League, if he were called Samuele Allardice (it's in Italics for a reason, folks!) Now, Harry's made Spurs one of the more coveted jobs in English football through force of will - and with an all-British coaching staff.

And 2010 marks the resurgence of the English manager in the world game. Joining Redknapp in raising eyebrows are Fulham's Europa League hero Roy Hodgson and the former wally with the brolly, Steve McClaren, who's just won the Eredivisie with Twente Enschede.

The one-nil win over Manchester City at Eastlands, Tottenham's last rival for that coveted place, shows they have the application and big-match mentality to give the Champions League "a good old go" as Harry might say.

Even by last January's transfer window, Redknapp had assembled a decent squad with a strong-looking bench. Much stronger than their competition in Aston Villa, who picked from their inexperienced but talented youth team, Manchester City, who were still garnering a new team spirit and Liverpool, who under the leadership of Steven Gerrard and Rafa Benitez, fell away under pressure to perform.

Redknapp's flexible and pro-active enough to realise his current squad's not good enough to reach the business end of Europe's elite competition. His wheeler-dealing in the market is well documented - and now he'll be able to attract top players to the club.

But perhaps rather than wholesale changes, Redknapp may only need to tweak the squad, such is the talent and spirit within it. From Crouch to King, from Gomes to Danny Rose, Tottenham have the basis to build on their phenomenal season.

They might be about to embark on their first adventure in Europe at this level, but don't expect Tottenham Hotspur to roll over against the big sides.

Click here: Why Mourinho should think twice before a Premier League return.

Why don't the Spurs faithful like Harry Redknapp?

He's steered Tottenham to the upper echelons of the Premier League in double quick time. His crafty transfer dealings and commonsense squad building have put Spurs in the Box Seat to qualify for next season's Champions League.

So why would so many like to see Harry Redknapp sacked? Why is Jose Mourinho's desire for a Premier League return music to Tottenham fans ears? (and would he go to White Hart Lane anyway?)

Hasn't Redknapp done enough to win over the White Hart Lane faithful?

Many rightly say Martin Jol shouldn't have been sacked despite two successive fifth placed finishes. But for Lasagnegate, the Dutchman might've coached Spurs in the Champions League.

Then again, the club came undone so fast under the disastrous stewardship of Juande Ramos that they might've been playing Championship football with fallen giants, Newcastle and West Bromwich Albion.

Redknapp stopped another Newcastle from happening at Tottenham. There are real parallels between the two clubs. The late Sir Bobby Robson steered Newcastle to two successive fifth-placed finishes before being sacked. A succession of managers failed to live upto Sir Bobby and it all ended in tears with relegation last season.

As a Villa fan, I can't believe the lack of respect for Redknapp. In our case, Martin O'Neill's done a similar repair job at Villa Park. Deadly Doug and David O'Leary were getting it all wrong. Then O'Neill arrived, with the funding and goodwill of new owner, Randy Lerner.

Now we've a real chance of silverware and we dare to dream of a second European Cup to add to our collection! We wouldn't want a highly paid mercenary like Mourinho supersede the MON Project. No way!

Under Redknapp, Spurs can grasp one of football's most highly-prized possessions - something Arsenal have in abundance and which has led to much glory. Stability. For me, Redknapp's a Tottenham success story.

Click here: Will United REALLY sell Rooney?  and  Why do TV pundits endorse cheating?

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Terry's tears, tantrums and takeaways

In response to our previous article, Soccermongery's been handed some interesting background on John Terry: his near switch to Manchester City, antics with England and his remarkable rise to the top of the Stamford Bridge order.

From reliable sources who've asked not be named, we learn:

Football's hard man was in tears as Fabio Capello axed him as England skipper inside three minutes of the twelve-minute showdown.

Capello's big punishment is in keeping with his stringent England regime. So strict, Terry's ordered Chinese takeaways from outside the confines of the team's posh hotel!

On England duty at The Grove, Terry complained the Italian was feeding them with meal after meal of "rabbit food", so he phoned for Chinese for fourteen of the squad. The huge load was shuttled through a backdoor away from management view!

As far as his private life goes, the Vanessa Perroncel incident is the tip of the iceberg. Terry's well-known for back of the car trysts - but it's also claimed he had sex in a night club toilet with a girl on crutches.

Terry's persistent philandering has much to do with unhappiness in his marriage to Toni, described as "like a character from EastEnders" and "fifty times worse than Posh Spice"!

But behaviour in the bedroom seems akin to his reactions to the boardroom.

As Terry strung out transfer negotiations with Manchester City, Chelsea forced him to get rid of his agent of fifteen years in exchange for succumbing to his demands. Roman Abramovich matched the staggering offer from oil rich Eastlands. Aaron Lincoln brokered the deal under orders from Terry but was then unceremoniously dumped.

The transfer was negotiated during the close-season and the catalyst was the departure of Jose Mourinho from Stamford Bridge.

Terry loved Mourinho and hated Abramovich for sacking him. When The Special One left after an inauspicious Champions League draw against little Rosenborg, the Portugeezer told Terry his demise was down to a clash of egos. The quiet Russian billionaire couldn't live with Mourinho's raffish, high-profile demeanour. Roman wanted to be the Bridge Boss - and showed it.

Chelsea's captain was in pieces and wanted to leave. Scolari's dressing room was a mess, so Terry ordered Lincoln to find him a move away. Alarmed by how upset Terry was, Lincoln pleaded with Terry to think about it for a week, and if he still felt the same to let him know. Would he really want to give up the fans, the London scene and the legendary status he'd already earned at the club? A Chelsea man through and through, Lincoln didn't want to be the man who sold Terry - unless his client really wanted out.

City got wind and the new owners heard rumours of how unsettled he'd been. A salary of £250k a week with a £50m transfer tag was set in motion. Terry shook hands with the Sheikhs but Abramovich countered with a deal to match City's offer - on condition that he waved goodbye to his agent.

Terry had been on a week's holiday in the US and phoned Lincoln to let him know his services were no longer required. Lincoln was gutted. He'd been made to look like stupid with both the City owners and Chelsea.

Lincoln was more than just Terry's commercial man. He was also the ex-England captain's eyes and ears keeping him on the straight and narrow and out of the media glare - even handling Terry's family's misdemeanours. His relationship with Terry even survived Lincoln being blacklisted as an agent by the FA.

The loss of such a close confidante has led directly to Terry's downfall. Instead of Lincoln's guiding hand, Terry's now managed by two close friends who've failed to protect him from the pressures of being a top footballer.

Wayne Bridge's switch to City had nothing to do with his relationship breakdown with Vanessa Perroncel or Terry. He left Chelsea for footballing reasons knowing he was playing second fiddle to Ashley Cole. Bridge actually feels sorry Terry got involved with his ex-girlfriend. The relationship between Perroncel and the England left-back was beyond reconciliation long before the Terry dalliance became public.

Bridge was also represented by Lincoln in the past.

When Terry was 15, Alex Ferguson rejected him and Tottenham didn't fancy him either. Even as a Chelsea youngster, he was deemed to be "too small" but Lincoln fought for him.

Terry's Chelsea opportunity came unexpectedly over a fight between two teammates. We're told Dennis Wise decked Michael Duberry over the sacking of Ruud Gullit. When Wise assumed temporary control of the team, young Terry was suddenly thrust into the first team under Wise's orders. Duberry joined Leeds in weeks.

Terry's rise up the Chelsea tree was nearly ended when then Huddersfield boss Steve Bruce had a mere £750k offer ACCEPTED by Chelsea. Terry turned down the move.

Soccermongery has no angle but as a fan of truth. Terry's lucky in life and it seems his luck's far from run out.

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