Pardew hits jackpot thanks to Mad Mike Ashley

Every neutral's favourite Pardew moment!

Not content with one cock-eyed decision, Newcastle owner Mike Ashley's scored a rather unique double!

Not even Deadly Doug Ellis could've boasted that with his managerial swingdoor at Villa Park.

Because in sacking Chris Hughton after leading Newcastle to the Championship at the first time of asking, Mad Mike's brought in Alan Pardew - on a five-and-a-half year contract!

Ashley declared Newcastle needed a coach of greater experience and pedigree: Martin Jol's instantaneous departure from Ajax suddenly seemed less than co-incidental and Martin O'Neill, though expensive, would've made Hughton's sacking look brutal, rather than stupid.

Instead, the silver-haired, silver-tongued Pardew got the nod after meeting Toon Chief Executive Derek Llambias in a casino which he manages!

Pardew's been a canny lad here, bartering a long-term contract in exchange for a comparatively small salary. £450,000 a year is much, much less than other Premier League bosses get.


Ashley takes advice from the bottom of a beer glass.



But all it does is incentivise Pardew to fail inside three seasons. The lawyer at the League Managers Association should diarise his appointments calendar for sometime in 2013.

As an outside observer of Newcastle since the heady days of Kevin Keegan, it appeared that in Chris Hughton, Mad Mike had finally landed the right guy.



A decent, well-liked man, with a lower-than-average profile and no ego.

Newcastle United were always the fall guy to a false Messiah or Big Name drafted in from a smaller, more successful club, whose reputation promised to end the silverware drought.

But not only had Hughton galvanised the Toon out of the total chaos of relegation, Alan Shearer and all, but also restored the Premier League to St James' Park in the most unlikely of circumstances.

Newcastle are now mid-table, providing England with their centre-forward, enjoying wins at Everton and Arsenal and thumping home victories over Aston Villa and local rivals, Sunderland.

Now Pardew, sitting on the contract of his life is set up, while the team around him are instantly unsettled by events. The tension is completely the wrong way around!

How not to run a successful Football Club.

Well, at least Ashley's wasting his own cash and no-one else's. But you can't play games with people's passions forever. And once again for no reason at all, the Toon Army have been ignored and made fools of.

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No Deal Or No Deal. But Ashley's return to St. James' Park is GOOD news for Newcastle.

Doh! Just when he thought he'd seen the back of St. James' Park for good, Mike Ashley's got no takers for Newcastle United.
No Deal or No Deal. "Damn the Credit Crunch!", he must be thinking over a Domino's Pizza and pint. But is this such gloomy news for the Toon as things stand?

Ashley was booed out of St. James' Park hot on the heels of quitter Kevin Keegan, declaring he'd "got the message" that he wasn't wanted by the fans as club owner.

Trouble is the crisis heralded an air of austerity and humility at the club. No coach worth his salt wanted the job, leaving it to those desperate for a last chance of the big time.

Enter Joe Kinnear, without a sniff of work in football for four years, but with a decent top-flight record at Wimbledon - and he's done rather well, steadying the ship and getting his squad performing consistently. An example of a football man written off prematurely in the over-judgemental world of the English game.

It's not as if Newcastle hasn't got quality: Michael Owen, Damien Duff, Nicky Butt, Obafemi Martins, Shay Given, Geremi and Mark Viduka: all good enough to keep them up.

Ashley's decision to drink up, then wash and go sent Newcastle into freefall. Suddenly there was no manager, an AWOL chairman and a middle-management dubbed cockney mafia, starring Dennis Wise. Who on earth was going to work in that framework and get the team performing? It was the very definition of football's poisoned chalice. Worse than managing England!

But a few months on, the picture's rather different. Ashley's renewal of vows maybe good news for Newcastle United.

They're a decent bet to stay up and though the squad isn't good enough long-term, the fans still turn up in their thousands for the Toon and there's lots to build on.

It's time the Toon Army buried the hatchet and got behind their owner. I think this new version of recession-hit Newcastle minus the Fancy Dans and bad boys can start to prosper.

Also on Jonny's Soccermongery: Thailand's new Prime Minister is a Geordie! and Keeping Michael Owen is out of Newcastle's hands or Home Page for the latest entry.

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Sorry Geordies: Keegan's exit is a positive for Newcastle United!

I know this is unpalatable to Toon fans but Kevin Keegan is a proven loser and totally ill-equipped to lead a Premier League team in the 21st century. Newcastle, you're best off without him. The next thing for the Toon to pray for is a Manchester City-style change of ownership and rid themselves of Oyk Ashley too.

It's time for Newcastle United to extricate itself from the past. The last time Kevin Keegan led Newcastle to (near) glory in the 90's, he was merely pitted against Arsenal's Bruce Rioch, Liverpool's Roy Evans and Chelsea's Ruud Gullit.

Who beat Keegan to the title? the ultimate football winner, Alex Ferguson. Aside from the total one-off that is The Govanor, the game's moved on.

Now Arsenal are led by Arsene Wenger, at Liverpool it's Rafa Benitez, Chelsea have a World Cup winner in the shape of Big Phil and it's still SIR Alex Ferguson of United. Then there's Martin O'Neill at Villa and Tottenham's Juande Ramos. Keegan can't hold a candle to any of them.

"We cannot possibly understand the fabled north-east football mentality", we're told as outsiders.

It's that mentality which propels Kevin Keegan to its summit as some sort of messiah. A romantic figure, a Pied Piper leading Newcastle to Wembley wins and open-top bus celebrations around Sid James' Park.

WAKE UP!! If Newcastle played Blyth Spartans, Hartlepool(s) and Darlington every week, the north-east mentality would be all that was required. But Newcastle doesn't operate in isolation.

In fact, the fabled north-east mentality comes off the rails every time its pitted against the north-west mentality; clubs from there win big pots every year - and have done so for 50 years.

Keegan was never the man to lead Newcastle out of the mire. Even with a supportive Geordie board rather than Ashley, he'd have found a way to quit.

Not that Ashley's any better. He's even worse to be honest; he has a track record of division and riding roughshod over anyone in his way.

Newcastle need a strong man the fans recognise and who they'd get behind - BUT someone without the baggage of a triumphant return. Someone to wipe the slate clean, to look to the future not the past. To really be in charge without board or middle-management interference.

Jose Mourinho, Martin O'Neill and Fabio Capello fit the bill. They're not available and would never be under the current circumstances. Who'd work for Ashley? The severance clause would be the most important part of the contract!

Keegan's Long Walkout of Fiefdom is hardly going to encourage a top coach to replace him. It might even leave Dennis Wise in the boxseat for the hotseat.

Still, as indigestible as that might be to every Toon fan, at least it would simplify the lousiest management structure in the Premier League.

And until they sort that out, there's no future for Newcastle United at all.